Author name: Sidhant

So, I was out with some friends and some of their friends (ideal audience). I was silent at the outset, but after they had a few drinks, I started with my experiences and theories on love (doesn’t make sense to a sober mind). They had a hearty laugh and were astonished, to say the least. One of them switched seats to listen to my tales better. She even said, my over analysis of love might leave me single forever. On the bright side, though, I am doing a great service to mankind by contemplating valuable insights out of my dating experiences. I was even compared to the Nobel Prize winner, John Nash. Let me exemplify in the context of human relationships. Let us say the end aim of humans is to be happy and falling in love increases the happiness of both the humans and consider love makes both of them equally happy (T/2). According to game theory, the dependence of a person (A) on the other (B) is the average of B’s single hood happiness and the happiness when both are together minus B’s single hood happiness. Worth of A in the relationship= (A + (T-B))/2 ( A, B denote singlehood happiness and T denotes the total happiness when they are in a relationship) In a way, it also means that the happier you are single, the better are your chances to find your dream match because that would lead to an increase in his/her happiness. So all the philosophy and religious preachings about loving oneself to emanate positive vibes that attract people; actually makes complete mathematical sense. And here for years, I have been in the quest of love seeking divine happiness. Little did I realize that the answer lay within me. Later, Sidhant

So, I asked a date if she wanted to meet up for dinner. As it turns out, she didn’t like eating out in restaurants on the weekends as they tend to get quite crowded. She called me over to her place instead. Now, if someone calls you over, you take a pleasantry like a wine bottle. That is a normal courtesy; I forgot to take anything. To be fair to me, I was too excited, so it slipped my mind. Her place had the perfect ambiance with scented candle lights and dimmed lighting. She was looking quite cute in her pajamas and floaters. We had dinner, and thankfully, she wasn’t banking on me for the wine. After dinner, we decide to chill on a couch in her living room. Anyway, coming to the MBA concept of the  ‘lifetime value (LTV)‘. It’s a prediction of the net profit attributed to the entire future relationship with a consumer. This is the reason why a number of startups are seen as promising investment opportunities by investors despite not having broken even (cash positive) for years. It is the future revenue they would drive from consumers due to the change in spending behavior which is promising. So in short, LTV prediction means how much value would that consumer be able to provide to the brand in a lifetime. A quite similar analogy to LTV can be drawn in the modern dating scenario. What exactly are you looking out of an association? Is it a casual encounter, a relationship, friends or pen pals, can be anything? It could also be different for different dating options of yours. There could be someone who you don’t see anything more than a fling; someone else who you are keener on taking things forward with on the romantic front or maybe a friend. The two of you should be very clear right from outset, with each other as well. It saves a lot of heartbreaks and wastage of time. So with someone whom you are interested in romantically, probably getting to know each other better and higher lead time is advisable. So if you meet someone with whom you might want to spend substantial time in a relationship, it is very well possible that the initial few meetings are awkward dinner dates which might not be as enthralling as a casual encounter you had in a European bar once.  Over a lifetime though, it might very well be a much more enriching experience. And happiness is different from momentary pleasure. Discount factor helps normalize the date scores across the timeline. For example, we are comparing the net success of two siblings with an age gap of ten years based on salaries then we’ll have to use a discount factor to account for the time difference.  A salary of $200,000 right now doesn’t hold the same value as a decade back.  The concept of the discount factor in the context of dating is very interesting. It is different across people and depending on the stage in life. One of the reasons for my short-spanning romantic interactions is that I haven’t dated anyone whose average romantic value increase over subsequent dates, probably because of a higher affinity towards dopamine. That brings me the wine date. So is this it? It was her last night in the city and was supposed to get married within a few days. My lifetime value for her was just one night. Post dinner, I came back within the next hour as the wine bottle isn’t the only thing that I forgot about taking. Later, Sidhant

Thankfully though, she smiled back at me. I saw the opening, moved on to her table. Although we didn’t talk much, the whole chemistry was off the charts. In the next few days, I went out shopping with her, to a spicy biryani place for dinner, to a quaint cafe for chocolate desserts, and even to get beautiful mehndi on her hands. And I just didn’t want to let go of her soft, warm hands. Anyway, coming to the MBA concept of the ‘Pareto Principle‘. It is also known as the 80/20 Rule and specifies that 80 percent of consequences come from 20 percent of the causes, or an unequal relationship between inputs and outputs. The principle suggests that 20 percent of clients are paying 80 percent of the revenues, and should receive at least 80 percent of the customer service. However, as human nature suggests, this does not happen. Firms tend to spread out their time and services without regard to a client’s status. If a client calls and has an issue, the firm deals accordingly, regardless of how much income the client actually brings in for the business. A couple of useful insights can be drawn out of this principle. The first insight is on deciding the value of a potential date. This is where archetyping comes into place. It reminds me of a famous quote, “by the age of 40, you’ll meet every person in this world“. It means either you’ll meet the person or you’ll meet their archetype. So you need to figure out your dream date archetype, be it age, height, body type, intellect, socio-economic status. Then invest time in only the dates which meet that archetype. Dating apps end up being unsuccessful in harnessing a meaningful connection on a number of occasions because of this very reason. You end up investing too much time with a person, only to meet and realize that they are not at all your type. That’s why meeting in person is of the essence. I have also figured out another quick hack. At a bar, 80% of successful elevator pitches are made post 12 in the last 20% of the time, so wait it out till then and don’t rush into things. The second insight is to value and devote more time (customer loyalty) to people with higher value instead of spreading it out evenly. The third and most important insight revolves around lifetime value. In other words, a date might end up bringing a lot more value to your life in the future, and you need to put in the initial investment. Even if the value-added hasn’t been substantial initially, over time it might increase exponentially. So one needs to keep that perspective of the potential value in mind. That brings me to the girl with Mehendi on her soft hands full of warmth. So is this it? Did I finally find the one? Will this lead to the bridal Mehendi? Well, she is a Colombian mom with a beautiful daughter. I said we didn’t talk much, the reason is that I don’t know Spanish, and she doesn’t know English. Whatever conversations we had were via Google Translate. She was in India for a few days on a business trip. I won’t ever see her again, and thus the third insight comes into play. Lifetime value was quite low, but we made some cherishable memories for life. Later, Sidhant

So in life, I have got some of the best insights by observing other people and their mistakes. One of the reasons might be that I am too self-absorbed to admit I can commit any mistakes let alone learn from them. I was at Starbucks with earphones in my ears without any music playing observing people. There was this guy sitting next to me with a girl on what seemed to me like a date. I decided to eavesdrop, actually, he was talking so loudly that anyway half of the cafe could hear him. Within the next five minutes, I got the whole career summary of the guy. IIT, Standford, Mckinsey London, VC firm Mumbai and apparently was very well networked with a huge social circle.  The next 55 minutes of the date was a detailed self-imposed coaching advice session by the guy for the girl on how to get into the best B school in the country. At the end of the monologue, the girl had just one question for the guy, “If you have such a big social network, why do you need an arranged marriage date to get married?” Anyway, coming to the MBA concept of the  ‘Unique Selling Proposition (USP)’. First proposed as a theory to explain a pattern in successful advertising campaigns of the early 1940s, the USP states that the campaigns made unique propositions to customers that convinced them to switch brands. The USP could be anything from a brand image of safety (Volvo) to a thirty-minute delivery guarantee (Dominos). During on-campus placements, one needs to sharpen one’s USP for the interview. For example, I learned during my placements at IIM that when 75% of the batch has done engineering from IIT, that can’t be my USP. ‘Out of the box thinking’ can be, sitting in an interview with one of the biggest FMCG firms in the country (Cadbury), I said my favorite advertisement is the web series, ‘Permanent Roommates’. I was the first guy on the whole campus to which the firm extended the internship offer. BATNA of your potential date. The pedigree of your education, salary, etc. cannot be the USP as your date would have similar options. In the case of the online dating world, the foot in the door comes by making your profile stand apart in a good way.  If you are on some dating app, then there is a high probability that your dorm mate with similar degrees or your co-worker with a similar salary is also on the app. These can’t be your USPs to get the right swipe. Let’s talk about pictures first. The first picture should be a solo (not a selfie). There should be one picture with an animal, preferably a dog. One picture in some outdoor or physical excursion activity. One in a social setting with friends with a proportionate ratio of both genders. And a couple of others on similar lines. The About Me section should never be vacant and generally have something witty and witty can’t be like ‘I am enigma waiting to be explored (go for a self-exploration trip)’ or this space is too less to describe me (because you are the god?). You should neither seem too clingy nor too ‘chill’.   To exemplify, I saw a profile of a college senior of mine where the bio started with the line ‘My IQ is probably higher than yours’. Now, there’s a difference between being a tease and being pompous. And this happened in Delhi, where the biggest part of a man’s body is the male ego. I immediately knew what I had to do when I saw her profile. I super liked it (she is cute :/). Once you get a match, you need to remember the elevator pitch. The opening line should not a normal ‘hi’. It should be something personalized on the lines of the other person’s profile like ‘Cool hand tattoo! what does it mean?’ or ‘is that your pet, quite cute!’. You need to cut through the crowd but don’t ooze out with interest, or indifference. And prove that you are a sane person, not psycho. A great way to do it would be to share your social profile details which would prove that you are a legitimate person. Once this is done you need to move to exchange numbers. Once you are in their phonebook, you move from ‘that person I am talking to on a dating app’ to an actual person. Even on the phone, the conversations need to be short and witty. Don’t make it like hours-long pouring sessions for conversations from first pet to what dress that slutty co-worker was wearing at work today. You need to schedule an in-person interaction at the earliest. The date should be in a social setting in the late evening over drinks or just dinner. The process of getting a date in the offline setting (eg. coworker) is quite similar except you expedite the process and are already in the phonebook. The first date is very similar to a job interview. The most important thing to remember right at the outset, she/he is already on a date with you over numerous others who are of the same archetype so you don’t need to sell yourself. You need to show a fun, compassionate side which they haven’t seen before. Discuss their lives and hobbies, instead of yours. You need to act as a tease, pulling their leg constantly and also complimenting them from time to time. Now at the end of the first date, there are different pointers for both genders. Girls should offer to split, not just because you are an independent adult but also because it’s to show that you’ll stand up for your personal opinions as a woman and won’t do anything which feels wrong to you. Also if the date went decent and you might like to see the person again, don’t be uncomfortable in ending it with a hug. Our bodies

At the bar, you must position yourself to capitalize on opportunities. If you’re a good dancer, hit the floor; if you’re good with words, find a quiet spot; if you want to flaunt money, head to the bar. In the smoking room, chewing gum, I noticed a girl with a magnetic vibe, mostly from her carefree nature. She was texting, so I casually asked, “Didn’t find anyone interesting enough to talk to?” She gave me an amused look. After a few minutes, she asked for a lighter to light her cigarette. I offered mine, and when she offered me a drag, I declined, saying I don’t smoke. Surprised, she asked why I was in the smoking room with a lighter. I replied, “Content creation,” keeping a straight face. As we started conversing, I asked her what she does for a living. She told me that she teaches the kids in a primary school. My spontaneous reaction was “I really look up to you (slight pause). Hope tonight you look up to me as well”. She laughed it off. We immediately hit it off after conversing for a few minutes. After we got acquainted, we exchanged numbers, and I headed back to the bar. She stood there chewing gum. Coming to the MBA concept of an ‘Elevator Pitch‘. An elevator pitch briefly explains an idea, product, or person in a way that’s easy to understand. It typically covers who it’s for, what it does, why it’s needed, and how it works. For a person, it highlights skills, goals, and their value to a team or project. While not all elements are necessary, the pitch should always convey the core concept and its value. You can use an elevator pitch to entice an investor or executive in a company or explain an idea to a founder’s parents. The goal is simply to convey the overall concept or topic excitingly. A couple of dating insights can draw from the concept of an elevator pitch. Firstly, establish the credentials that show you are a legit person with a good social presence. The fastest way to do it is by sharing your social media handle; Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or wherever you have the greatest number of followers, preferably of the opposite gender. Secondly, make the talk contextual so that it portrays the immense value that you can bring to their life. Thirdly and most importantly, exude supreme self-confidence. In 9 out of 10 cases you will fail but trust me, that one time will be worth a hundred failures. That brings me to the elevator pitch I made that night in front of the teacher. I texted her later in the night after getting out of the bar. She was out with her friends to grab a bite to eat. I called her up and convinced her to take a detour and invited her over. As we were getting to know each other better, I put on a mashup which was around ten minutes long, and all through was on a high note. The beats were quite fast-paced and we matched every beat of the song. Post sunrise, we got out and drove around for a bit. We went for coffee, then she dropped me back and left for home. So is this it? ‘We don’t need no education’? Well, certain encounters are best left at a high point with a cherishable memory. Even if a decade down the line, someone asks me about my favorite teacher, my answer won’t be hard to guess. Ironically, she helped me achieve a dream although it involved her looking up to me instead. Later, Sidhant

So, I am quite into spontaneous plans. And by that I don’t mean spontaneously getting a weekend work assignment or someone spontaneously canceling on me at the last moment; you get the drift. I recently had quite an interesting date which in the hindsight looks like one of the most spontaneous across the past decade. Not just the fact that it happening at the gym of Taj at around 2 in the night, it was the spontaneity of the whole plan panning out while I was at a house party after a long tiring day. Anyway, coming to the MBA concept of DOSE (Dopamine, Oxytocin, Serotonin, and Endorphins). Human happiness is caused by 4 basic chemicals: Dopamine Oxytocin Serotonin Endorphins On your journey to becoming fit, your body released endorphins to cope with the pain of physical exercise. You probably began to enjoy exercise as you got into it, and the endorphins made you happy –  temporarily. On your journey to becoming rich, you probably completed many tasks and goals. You probably bought all the things you’ve ever wanted. Nice cars, beautiful clothes, and perfect home. This released dopamine in your brain when you achieved your goals and bought these things, which once again contributed to your happiness -temporarily. Serotonin is released when we act in a way that benefits others. When we give to causes beyond ourselves and our own benefit. When we connect with people on a deep, human level. That’s why you often see billionaires turning to charity when they have already bought everything they wanted to, and experienced everything they wanted to in life. They’ve had enough dopamine from material pleasures, now they need the serotonin. Oxytocin, on the other hand, is released when we become close to another human being. When we hug a friend or shake someone’s hand, oxytocin is released in varying amounts. It’s all about becoming more social! Share your wealth with your friends and family to create amazing experiences. So the right balance of all 4 chemicals helps you achieve true happiness. Out of all four chemicals, dopamine is the one with a high positive correlation to addiction. Gambling, drinking, promiscuity, gaming, social media give a dopamine rush. Someone comments on your post or likes your photo or even watches your story; you get a dopamine hit. With the advent of dating apps, dating has become like gambling where one always is on the token machine for a higher dopamine hit. That brings me back to the gym date. So is it? Did I finally find my oxytocin? Well, we were in the gym at a hotel because she was visiting the town for a business conference and was flying back the next day. While I was holding her hands as she did squats and conversing, we were discussing dopamine and oxytocin in the context of dating. She made quite a witty statement, and said: “It would be so sweet to hear from someone ‘I get my oxytocin from you’ “. Later Sidhant

So, recently I met a strong, independent woman from a completely diverse field. We vibed right from the moment we started talking. In fact, we immediately got on a video call and decided to meet up at that very moment. From the moment we hugged, I felt a rush of warmth in my whole body. She made wholesome and appetizing prawns, and I don’t know whether it was the taste I fell for or the hands which were feeding me. I just wanted to be with her all day, be it breakfast, lunch, or even the gym. In fact, even her CrossFit trainer knows me now. Anyway, coming to the MBA concept of the post. In marketing, the principles for the marketing of consumer durables are very different from those for luxury goods. That is where ‘Luxury Brand Marketing‘ comes into the picture. It works on the concept of the experience economy and the aim to create memorable experiences. More than the utilitarian value of the product, the emotional value matters. Luxury Brand Marketing can be replicated in the case of modern-day dating as well. Exclusivity or not engaging with every other person who claims to have feelings for you is a good way to position yourself as a luxury brand. That is one of the reasons why the market value of someone in a relationship at times is more because of the non-availability. That brings me the art restorer. So is this it? Has the artist finally found his art? Well, I mentioned at the beginning of the post that she has achieved a lot. She is a single mother who is raising a son. She doesn’t have any bandwidth for me in her life and isn’t looking to get into another relationship after getting out of a strained marriage.  She is playing the field and isn’t looking for anything serious. That being said, the passion aspect of the ‘Triangular Model‘ was off the charts. Later, Sidhant

So, I might have gone on numerous dates across the past decade, but this girl was by far the most aesthetically appealing. With her flawlessly fair skin and quintessential body, she can easily give any Hollywood actress a run for her money. I could have easily mistaken her for a model or celebrity till I actually got to know what she does in life. She is a doctor, and not a dentist or something but a surgeon. As soon as we met, I felt a warm vibe. She is quite modest for someone with her accolades and looks. She didn’t even portray a hint of narcissism. I loved her pensive point of view and time just flew by in her company. I might lack a bit of social self-awareness but from her laughs, I could see that she was having a good time too. Until she got a call that she had to reach the hospital immediately to cover for a friend. I dropped her back home and as I am not a big fan of texting, we talked that night and the night after and after. Psychologists note that when a good or service is perceived to be scarce, people want it more. Consider how many times you’ve seen an advertisement stating something like a limited-time offer, while supplies last, only a few items left in stock, etc. The feigned scarcity causes a surge in the demand for the commodity. The thought that people want something they cannot have drives them to desire the object even more. The psychology behind the scarcity principle lies in social proof and commitment and can be used to draw a number of insights in the context of modern-day dating. Sociologists believe that even Romeo and Juliet, cited as the epitome of love wouldn’t have been so close having it not been for their parents’ strong restrictions against their union. It was the perceived unavailability of each other that brought them closer than ever. Social proof is consistent with the belief that a potential date values you more if you have a stronger individuality. It portrays that you have a strong BATNA. On the principle of commitment, someone who has committed himself to acquire something will want it more if he finds out he cannot have it. In other words, you have your own life and are not available at their becking call. But the most important insight is to apply the scarcity principle only when you have got the other person substantially interested in you otherwise, it backfires. That brings me to the gorgeous doctor with breathtaking looks. So is this it? Is this the ethereal love that had deserted me all my life? Well, I talked about the scarcity principle. I decided to apply it and didn’t contact her for a few days to portray individuality and a paucity of my time. She never talked to me after that. That’s because I forgot the most important insight. I hadn’t got her stimulated enough to care. Later, Sidhant Update-She is in a happy relationship with a celebrity Indian singer for a couple of years now. I am really happy for her.

So, It was late in the evening on a breezy winter day and I was on a date. She was quite impeccably dressed, wearing a cocktail dress and stilettos. I, on the other hand, was confidently flaunting my ‘out of the bed’ look with torn denim, a tee, and messy hair. Once I saw her, I felt that maybe Starbucks isn’t the right place. There was a good bar nearby, we decided to go there instead. We were conversing, and being a lawyer, she had quirky replies for almost everything. I don’t know whether it was the company or the view, but the time actually flew away. She had some time restrictions at her place which she had way extended, so finally had to leave. But I just didn’t want the date to end. Anyway, coming to the MBA concept of ‘BATNA‘ (Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement). At IIM Ahmedabad, we had a course on the introductory concepts of law. There was a section on how to get the best outcome out of arbitration (negotiation). BATNA means if you go into a negotiation with any party, what is your alternative in case the deal doesn’t go through? This is one of the reasons why experts advise not leaving your previous job until you receive the next offer letter, as it strengthens your BATNA at the negotiation table with the next firm. In the case of casual encounters, you need to hedge your risks. Also, you need to build a high perception of your BATNA, and market value in the other person’s mind, your filtered happening life on social media can be a big help. Most importantly, hit the iron when it’s hot and close the deal as soon as possible but at the same time not show impatience. If you’re looking for something serious and long-term, you need to appear exquisite with a high perceived BATNA, regardless of your relationship status. Be honest with your date—this isn’t a one-time thing. Avoid showing impatience or hurry. There’s no best deal slipping away, so take your time or walk away. Don’t end up asking, “I don’t know where we are headed” months later. BATNA is not just about another person; it’s about self-love and self-esteem, which strengthen your BATNA, as emphasized in cooperative game theory. That brings me back to the lawyer. So is this it? Have I finally been sentenced for a ‘happily ever after’? Well, she is in a relationship with a fellow lawyer, and they were having some quarrels. She came on a date with me to portray her BATNA to her guy. In fact, she even took the photo with me to show it and make him envious. I was feeling unusually happy, despite being just eye candy. Later, Sidhant

So I am not a big fan of the traditional dates over coffee/ drinks. It becomes too formal and small talk-based. I went for a date that started off at Starbucks with wine in our coffee cups, moved into the car with some great music in the backdrop. It was followed by a drive to India Gate where we ran into a palm reader who attempted to tell us our entire life stories in a couple of minutes. It was followed by dinner and again some great music on the way back. It was a memorable date, not because of her gorgeous looks; but because of the spontaneity and the whole vibe. Anyway coming to the MBA concept of ‘Inbound & Outbound Marketing‘.  These are two types of marketing strategies used by companies to sell products. The primary difference between inbound and outbound marketing lies in how consumers are approached. In inbound marketing, the idea is to promote products by pushing them onto people. On the other hand, in outbound marketing, the idea is to establish a loyal following and draw consumers to the products. To exemplify, when you walk into a grocery store or Starbucks, and there’s an attendant serving trial samples of a new product/flavor, that is inbound marketing. The spam calls you get from credit card/ insurance companies are a classic example of inbound marketing. They feel really irritating to the receiver, but companies still continue with this practice. Ever wondered why? Well, they have the highest conversion rate of about 2% from the marketing funnel and are the best returns on investment (ROI). Outbound marketing is different and about the pull. A classic example of outbound marketing would be Apple (during Steve Jobs’ era), no matter what the product launched was, it used to be sold out instantly because of the pull. From a business perspective, outbound marketing attempts to create brand loyalty and keep customers coming back, whereas inbound marketing is more concerned with short-term sales. The two concepts of marketing can be quite insightful in the modern-day dating scenario. One can have two approaches to potential dates. First is pitching yourself and making the other person feel your worth. It works quite well in the case of casual encounters (short-term sales) if coupled well with the scarcity principle as the lead time is minimal in this approach. Though If not implemented well, it backfires as you may come off as desperate and end up reducing your own value. Second is building your own value and putting forth a self-confident, charismatic image that makes the other person invested as you come across as a catch. This works well in case you are looking for something substantial as you’ll be able to funnel out the unworthy suitors. Though at times it can backfire, you might come off as self-absorbed and a bit arrogant. The most effective strategy in both dating cases (casual or serious) is playing in the middle, which is using both strategies from time to time. It will keep the other person the most intrigued and you wouldn’t get archetyped as self-obsessed or desperate. So sounding a bit cocky as well as complimenting them from time to time. Showing care and affection but at the same time, not clinginess. Coming back to the palm reader date, he told me that I should stop overthinking and running after people (inbound marketing), I should focus on money and people will come by themselves. Taking a hint, I didn’t pursue her any further. It was a great night with a lot of fun laughter, but we are different individuals in the sense of traits and drivers, and certain encounters are best left to be cherishable memories. Later Sidhant