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Indian Matchmaking (IM4D)

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So a few weeks back, after over a decade of turning to the legal age for marriage and after endless failed quests (mutuals, dating apps, social media, chatrooms, bars, clubs, gyms, cafes, supermarkets, flights, Volvo buses) to find my life partner organically, I finally gave in to the age-old way Indians have been living ‘happily ever after’ since forever; the arranged marriage route. Some quick insights on the go-to-market (GTM) strategy in the arranged marriage market. The primary audience here is the parents of the prospects. It is believed that no matter what class, caste, creed, or religion, one occasion when Indians spend lavishly (at times, even by taking debt) is their child’s wedding. There are basically two channels to enter this market: 1) Offline– This happens via mutual of parents/ relatives/ close family friends; basically family’s social network. This was the traditional way marriages in India had been happening for decades. A slightly more structured way here is via marriage brokers. One of the brokers who came to the limelight recently was Mumbai-based ‘Seema Tapadia’ via the Netflix show ‘Indian Matchmaking’. Different parts of the country have different renowned offline matchmakers. For example, in the case of New Delhi, one of the more famous ones is by the name Sycorian. Such brokers are majorly used by business families (MSME owners in India) or in some cases first generation corporates (parents were in a business setup). 2) Online– The Indian arranged marriage market was disrupted by digitization long before the global dating market. In the 1990s, with the internet boom, a number of players entered the fragmented high-ticket-sized Indian matrimonial market to streamline it with technology. Three major players stood the test of time for decades and have been the incumbent of millions of Indian weddings across the globe. They are: a) Shaadi b) Jeevansathi c) Bharatmatrimony Jeevansathi is where I met her. Actually not her, but her mom as arranged marriages in India are mostly arranged by parents. I had a brief conversation with her mother, and she invited me to her place as they stay less than a kilometer away in south Delhi from my present flat. Since it was Sunday, I suggested that I could visit that day itself since I had bandwidth. Her mother said that the girl was going out with her sister that day, but anytime post seven in the evening on Monday (the next day) would work for them. Despite being a Monday, I said “7:30 it is”. The next day and a half was a roller coaster of emotions for me. This girl met all my prerequisites and more. There is a concept in Hindu marriages of matching certain stars in the guy and girl’s astrological charts. There are a total of 36 aspects in the horoscopes that are matched. The higher the score, the more compatible the match. Although I am a ‘first-principles approach’ guy and am not a believer of astrology et al, still our score was a whopping 32 out of 36 on this! In essence, meaning highly compatible or destined to be together. As I am ahead of the curve, in the past mainstream people in this society have suggested that I should probably see a psychologist. I have just been too cheap to spend the money. Also, paying someone to talk to me is such a disrespect to my entire intellect. Anyway, guess what this girl does? She is a practicing clinical psychologist. What are the odds? I had even prepared a joke for my next standup around ‘seeing a therapist’ (dating a person who by profession is a clinical psychologist). Imagine, the millions I could save and make with calmness in my mind. Monday evening finally came, and I don’t think I have been this excited in a long time. I could literally feel the butterflies in my stomach. I reached their place, her mom opened the door and welcomed me into their drawing where her dad was already present. I complimented the interior design of their place. After a few minutes, her mom called the girl. In a second, I realized what I had been missing my whole life. And the best part is that till now, I didn’t even know her name. She walked into the room wearing a traditional Indian suit. And I am not even kidding, but she could have easily been a poster model for that suit on billboards all over the country. Certain people light up in certain clothes, it was like the suit lit up by her wearing it. And not just the suit, but the entire room was suddenly filled with such an uplifting aura. I continued the conversation with the parents. In fact, I would have spoken five times more than all three of them combined. So much so for first-time jitters. After some time, the parents went to the other room and I continued to converse with the girl. I suggested that we take a walk. We went to a nearby park, and it was definitely a walk to remember. First, off the bat, I guess I told her multiple times how pretty she was looking, especially her facial features. And she was like, “Hadn’t you seen my photos?”. Well, she definitely looked a lot more gorgeous in person. She is an advanced yoga practitioner and as she did international schooling all her life so was trained in various dance forms including Latin ballroom, jazz, and contemporary. She works out seven days a week. She was also into DIY stuff like pottery. She asked me about my hobbies, and I was like, “Well, I love to sleep”. She then asked me what exactly I was looking for in a marriage. I replied, “I am looking for calmness in life”. Given my lifelong keen love for psychology, we discussed almost everything I knew in the field, from Maslow’s Hierarchy to Herzberg two factor theory. Time in her company just flew away, we completed countless rounds around

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Dating Matrix

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So, I was in Bangalore for a couple of months on a project. I was at a bar on a Saturday night and doing my ‘research’ on modern-day dating in the new city. It was around 10 in the night, and a girl came and sat by the bar counter, a couple of stools away from me.

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Landing Page

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So recently I came back to India and probably in the worst of times. I landed here right in the middle of the second wave of the COVID pandemic. And although it is a grave concern, for maintaining the theme of this site, I will talk about another disturbing issue. With lockdowns being announced in metropolitan cities, mental health especially for extroverts is getting hugely affected. More so, for singles, the dating life and associated dopamine have seen a big drop. Thankfully, that changed when I met the muse of the post. The first look in itself captured it all, she is like cuteness personified. From the childlike bespectacled eyes to her Harry Potter T-shirt and quaintly done dim-lit room. Even she recently returned to the country after around a decade in Singapore. and is staying at her parents’ house in Delhi. So our only feasible way to meet is to sneak into her place post everyone has slept. I dropped by her place and as luck would have it, her brother was awake and around the entrance area. I guess for the first time in my dating life of over a decade, I waited outside a girl’s house. As he was making dinner, so she came out after a few minutes and we went for a midnight stroll in her neighborhood. It was definitely ‘a walk to remember.’ We went to her place after twenty minutes and hit it off from the outset. She is an introvert and a patient listener, so I went on with my tales and insights. At the end of one such monologue, she told me “I got it five minutes back, but seeing your enthusiasm, didn’t want to interrupt you.” I just wish I could have been so thoughtful about others’ happiness. Time with her just flew by, from talking about hilarious dating encounters to crazy qualms of mothers of the Indian matrimonial pool to her angst against the US, we didn’t even realize when it was 4 in the night already. Coming to the MBA concept of the ‘Landing Page’. It is the final goto point where the advertiser wants the consumer to reach to close the deal. For example, an e-commerce website would consider an advertisement successful if the consumer purchases the product advertised. In this case, the point of sale of the good on the e-commerce website is the landing page. An analogy can be drawn in the modern dating context of the digital era. It’s the successful culmination point of all the dating shenanigans (texting, Instagram likes, coffee, etc.). It can be your place, date’s place, or any place with privacy where the two of you can be yourselves. I am not a big fan of the wine and dine ritual. The risk of COVID, people, pollution, noise, the pressure to make a good formal impression overpaid drinks (experience economy), commute time, waiting time, are a few reasons against it. On average, the bars/ cafes/ restaurants charge three to four times the MRP of even packed items. All this is justified in the name of the experience economy. What logic does it make to pay exorbitantly if the experience is having each other’s company? Why are we paying an outsider for that? And if the company sucks, it will suck irrespective of the place. Also, then later on when the sunk cost (time invested) becomes too high, people often realize that those formal impressions were farthest from reality. All my life, I didn’t have a problem with a landing page. In my teenage and IIT days, I used to drive. I used to stay by myself in Gurgaon, IIM days and Mumbai, Bangalore, and everywhere outside the country. In fact, at IIM Ahmedabad I used to stay in a coed hostel and all the other rooms on my floor were occupied by girls. Due to the pandemic and subsequent lockdowns, I am presently crashing at my parents’ place. That brings me to the bewitching Harry Potter fan. So is this it? Have I finally found the Sorcerer’s Stone? Is she the patient listener that was missing all my life? Well, she is working on Singapore timings so has to get up quite early. Her next workday was spoiled because of the late night till 4 and her work and mental health have a higher priority for her. Also, she had her skepticism about me being a philanderer and getting bored with people quickly. Anyway, the night was a much-needed respite for me with fun, laughter, her warm presence when cuddled in my arms, and her legs wrapped around mine. Later, Sidhant

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Sales Circle

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So lately, I had started going to Delhi bars/ clubs a lot; and by ‘a lot’ I mean 5-6 nights a week. To put things in perspective, even the waiters working there took more leaves than me. On top of that, I was trying out Barney Stinson’s ‘Suit Up!’ technique; I was going to these clubs in the complete formal attire of a handstitched suit with a matching tie, and leather shoes. The best part was that I used to wear AirPods for the whole night which definitely piqued a lot of interest, some were high LTV/ NPV leads curious about the AirPods. Most others were people who because of the suit thought I worked at that place. They used to request lighters, tables, chairs, charging points, water, food, et al; one woman even tried to give me 500 bucks as a tip. Anyway, as mentioned in the sales funnel, I soon caught the attention of the gatekeepers/ bouncers as I was there almost every night, that too alone. So they raised alarms and started creating issues in my entry from one place after the other, as is the inorganic Delhi bar culture. I generally used to stand by the bar counter, possibly one of the best places to start a conversation with a girl. Firstly, on ladies’ night, the girls need to get the complimentary drink themselves so no friend-zoned guy is around to block the conversation. Secondly, even if a girl is buying a drink for herself, that most likely means she is single as otherwise, the guy would have bought the drink or would have at least accompanied her. As highlighted in the experience economy, a good way to start is with a subtle compliment about something she is wearing (shoes, jacket, dress, et al). If she engages (more than a monosyllabic reply), and carries the conversation forward, then move on to asking her about herself. Everyone loves to talk about themselves. In case of interest, she would ask the question back. Hence, ask the question quite carefully in accordance with your unique selling proposition (USP). Now in the next step, your elevator pitch comes into play. I generally use my Instagram profile as the elevator pitch as I have over 700 posts from 2013. It establishes legitimacy, as well as, portrays exuberance since most of my posts across the years have been of cherishable memories; I focus on capturing fun experiences. On one such night, I met her in a club. I got talking to her primarily because my phone pinged and I took it out of my pocket. It was a notification from some dating app (‘research purposes’). She was standing next to me and happened to glance at my screen. We immediately hit it off as everyone these days is highly curious about whether dating apps are of any use. I just cracked a light joke and one thing led to another. Time just flew by in her company and she had to soon head back, we exchanged our Instagram handles. We stayed in touch in the coming days, and met multiple times across Delhi; Khan Market, Hauz Khas, Qutub Minar area, Aerocity, and even Gurgaon; I wanted to see her every day. We had drinks, dinner, breakfast, lunch, and everything together. We even played pool, and though it was hard to gauge who was worse, it hardly mattered as I just wanted to be with her. Anyway, coming to the MBA concept of the ‘Sales Circle‘. Many of us must have heard this phrase: ‘A great product sells itself’. In essence, any transformational difference can be brought about by the product at its core. Other levers like entry into new markets or using more channels (online: E-commerce, quick commerce, apps, et al) or even the technique/ strategy operated by the salesperson (be it Steve Jobs, Elon Musk, or even a used cars salesman), can only make an incremental difference. This circle can be used in all contexts, from commodities to businesses to even people (dating/ job market). For example: A great example in the Indian commodity market is Nestle Maggi. Across decades, the product has sold itself; be it in a kirana store in a remote village or via BlinkIt (Quick Commerce) in a metropolitan city. Compare its sales with that of the me-too brands of the likes of top ramen noodles and you’ll see a stark difference despite the deep discounting, bundling and other sales strategies used by such competitors. The product will always remain the core of any transformation and work on perfecting it, instead of expecting drastic differences from other factors or looking for the easy way out. The Sales Circle can be applied in the context of modern-day dating quite aptly: I used to think that I was not using the right technique, or the right channels, or was in the wrong location and that is why I am not meeting the ‘girl of my dreams’. I have tried almost all channels both online (dating apps, Instagram, Facebook, Orkut, Yahoo messenger) and offline (mutuals, bars, coffee shops, supermarkets, airports, Volvo buses, et al). In close to two decades across all markets of Delhi-NCR, Bombay, Bangalore, Chandigarh, Pune, Goa, or even up to Africa, it is highly unlikely that despite countless attempts, I couldn’t end up with a girl who fits my pre-requisites. The core is always the product so my unsuccessful attempts have less to do with all the other factors and more to do with me as a product not being attractive enough for my target market (TG). Let us say you had just one or two substantial connections in your lifetime, where both you both were totally into each other and everything was perfect but it didn’t work out because of a small anomaly. You are still single and in the never-ending quest of finding the perfect love. Either transform yourself as a product completely or alter your prerequisites for the perfect match. Trying a new

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Gig Economy

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So, recently I was talking to a girl, and her first text was ‘User Engaged’. All thanks to this site and the consequential benefits of pull marketing. It didn’t take me any time to figure out that she is an engineer and I sent her a link to the correlated MVP article. She was quite impressed. Less by my writing, more by the muse, and felt that the girl is a keeper. This elevator pitch went amazingly well, and since I am not into texting, suggested an in-person meetup. She promptly agreed and before she suggested any cafe or a bar, I sent her a link to the landing page To my surprise, she already read this post. This points to two things. Firstly, my writing over the years is paying off by leaps and bounds, now I don’t have to waste my time trying to justify why going to a cafe/ bar/ anywhere outside isn’t worth it as yields little to no returns (both in terms of NPV and LTV), and it does not mean that I am shady or some creep. I am just a practical guy who knows that the most valuable asset with anyone in this world is time. As I say, ‘your time in this world is limited, the people aren’t’. Secondly, she is one of the observant and humble (less self-obsessed) dates that are my ideal target market (TG) as opposites attract. She didn’t express any apprehensions, but she is also presently staying with family, and unlike the girl from the landing page post, she is a bit risk-averse to sneaking me in the middle of the night at their place. Also, she needed to be back for the night. So we ended up taking an Airbnb near her place with high ratings. It was apparently a boutique luxury concept based on the idea of living in a cave, and the decor and other features were supposed to be in accordance with that. Quite a pathetic property, nowhere close to the ratings and oversell, and wasn’t even worth half the price. But since this isn’t Trip Advisor, so I’ll stick to the storyline. The place hardly mattered, be it caves or an ultra-modern city with flying Tesla cars on Mars. She is one of the few whose initial impression is completely different from her actual self. When I saw her, she was driving an ‘Aisha’ type daddy’s princess car, carrying a fancy designer bag, phone et al. So my obvious guess was that she’s my ideal archetype, but that was far from reality. She is quite a hard-working, completely self-made girl who actually handled an immense amount of pressure on all fronts right from childhood. Despite that, she excelled and achieved countless accolades and success on the career front. From the moment we hugged, I instantly grew a fondness for her voice, warmth, and cute dimple. As a part of the chit-chat, I made the mistake of asking her what she does for a living. In a single sentence, I heard so many obscure words that I felt that it was a different language altogether. I will still try to translate. She is working with the research and development think tank to get more insights about making highly efficient fuels. Then she asked me what I did for a living. I went on to show her a couple of my pictures from my ‘cool’ Instagram life. Now don’t mistake me, I am far from being any sort of an influencer. Just for statistics, I have been on Instagram (@sidhants139) since 2013 and have close to 600 posts but around just 500 followers. Even my friend’s 3 months-old dog has more followers than me. And this is despite the fact that my account is public. Let’s save my self-loathing journey for ‘an inspirational TED talk’ and focus on this encounter. She turned the screen away, looked into my eyes, and said: “You look cuter in person.” Anyway, coming to the MBA concept of the ‘Gig Economy‘. In a gig economy, companies lean towards hiring independent contractors and freelancers instead of full-time employees. The gig economy benefits workers, businesses, and consumers by making work more adaptable to the needs of the moment and demand for flexible lifestyles. Uber and Airbnb are some classical examples of firms using the gig economy on a massive scale to contract independent home/car owners to replace the traditional hotels/cabs. In the recent past, especially post the pandemic, there is a gig revolution. Even the biggest of firms are hiring gig workers in huge numbers and component professionals are joining the gig workforce for a higher degree of flexibility, pay rates, and a sense of autonomy. I am a seasoned gig strategy consultant for close to half a decade with big scale strategy consulting firms like BCG, FMCG majors like MARS Wrigley, veteran ex-McKinsey partners, , as well as, some high growth startups. The projects are from diverse domains and at high-intensity stages where firms require high firepower. (Refer to my LinkedIn in case you are actually intrigued) Coming back to the crux of the site; analogous to this corporate gig economy, with the influx of technology (dating apps), the gig economy (Uberisation) is on a rise in the context of modern-day dating. The increasing individualism and commitmentphobia are making millennial dating habits a lot more risk-averse and transactional. They are hedging the three components of the triangular model (emotional, physical, and intellectual). Analogous to an Uber where you are just along for the ride, you don’t regret a ‘gig’ encounter coming to an end. It just helps in making some cherishable memories without much hassle or baggage and doesn’t require the investment of buying a ‘car’. There are a couple of points that are essential to keep in mind in the context of Uberisation. Firstly, both the parties should be clear that this might or might not translate into a full-time engagement and is just about testing the waters. It

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6 similarities between dating and job market

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So, I have been in the modern-day dating space for over a decade. I have seen it change from a yahoo messenger chatroom to tinder, a drastic decrease in the lead time, hassles of a landing page easing out with a cultural shift, the elevator pitches changing, a shift in the drivers and dating becoming a lot more transactional. Anyway, I also explored the job market. As the essence of human psychology remains the same, I found a number of similar patterns happening in both markets. 1) Job portals/ dating apps have a plethora of options but quite a low conversion rate. For every job application posted on portals, thousands of candidates apply, but none meet the cut. Similarly, the gender ratio on apps is quite skewed (18 guys for 1 girl), but none of the guys make the cut. 2) Supposedly, you are working with a firm but not fond of your role and suddenly an opening in an area of work you love opens up in the company, you would be the first to be considered for the position. Same way, a friend-zoned person is the first one considered in case of a desire for love in the partner due to an unforeseen breakup or societal pressure of ‘settling down’, so efforts never go to waste. The USP, in this case, becomes familiarity and trust. 3) Referrals (introduction by an employee/ mutual friend), are more organic and generally have a higher conversion. Such job stints/ relationships generally also have a higher lifetime value (LTV) 4) ) Staying stuck in toxic jobs/ relationships based on the time already invested is common but unadvisable (Sunk cost fallacy). 5) With an increasing sense of individualism, being your boss mindset, the gig economy (Uberisation of the workforce) is on a rise analogous to which dating is becoming a lot more transactional. 6) Perfect job/ love is so hard to find these days, is an oxymoron. Game theory talks about two styles of decision making- optimizing & maximizing. Optimizing is choosing the most appropriate from a limited set, maximizing is to keep on searching till we don’t find the best. With the rapid advent of technology and capitalism, we have countless options in everything, from toothpaste to a love partner, and are using maximizing style everywhere. It is scientifically proven that it leads to lesser satisfaction than the optimizing style of making decisions. As eloquently put by Barry Schwartz in ‘The Paradox of Choice’, there are four reasons why this happens. Firstly, with so many choices our brain in dogma, ends up making none. It is commonly seen in dating, active seeking via apps or otherwise, doesn’t translate to finding a ‘soulmate’. Secondly, after the decision, we feel at a loss about missing out on the good features of alternatives. Thirdly, choices increase expectations. After deciding, the joy doesn’t match up and leads to disappointment. Fourthly, if an unforeseen hiccup happens later, we blame ourselves for the decision. Having choices is great, but an optimum number, post that it ends up doing more harm than good. Later, Sidhant

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