So, I have decided to dedicate this post to a rapidly growing trend, the ‘dating app dilemma’- to be or not to be is the question. More than 20% of adults with smartphones are using or have used dating apps. But dating people via online means has been from a long time back, even before such apps existed. I still remember there was a time about a decade ago when Yahoo chatrooms were the buzzing thing on the internet.
I have been observing the dating landscape for close to two decades now. This is around the same time when the online dating market exponentially gained significant traction. In the US, the offline gradually declined during the same. This included meeting family, friends, neighbours, work, college, bars, and so forth. Within just a few years, online channels, previously associated with shady sexual predators, scammers, and bots, became the mainstream way to meet your soulmate.
A peculiar difference emerged in India: much like skipping the PC era and transitioning directly to laptops and smartphones, Indian adults largely bypassed the traditional bar or mutual acquaintance channels and embraced the tech-infused app culture for dating. In fact, in India, the ‘arranged marriage‘ market underwent disruption by technology before the dating scene did. Consequently, basic awareness of online platforms was already instilled by the online matrimonial platforms, setting the stage for the imminent disruption of the dating landscape.
Parents often seek ideal matches for their children through matrimonial channels, while the younger generation uses dating apps. Offline interactions through mutual acquaintances have decreased due to widespread social media addiction, with people of all ages glued to their smartphones.. Additionally, the cultural practice of meeting intriguing prospects failed to gain traction in India. Various factors, including the cultural context of India, may not initially Favour offline dating interactions, which can explain this. Moreover, women’s safety concerns, particularly in certain regions of the country, further deterred offline interactions.
Even personally, over the years, the majority of my dating encounters have been initiated through online channels, with dating apps having the shortest average lead time and the highest churn rate. This website might not have even existed without an online platform, as many of the encounters narrated here originated from dating apps.
Two of the largest market shareholders from the Match Group are Tinder and Hinge. Tinder pioneered the disruption of the dating market, making online channels the mainstream method for meeting potential dates.
Apart from the Match Group, the female entrepreneur-led ‘Bumble’ is the only other dating app that has captured a significant share of the online dating market. A big reason for its success is its brand positioning centred around women-centricity and safety, among other aspects. For instance, the app allows only women to send the first message after matching with a prospect, ensuring the weeding out of unwanted ‘creeps’.
Despite using Bumble for years, I still haven’t grasped the logic behind this move. Firstly, if a woman is matching with a prospect, she would have presumably already filtered out the ‘creeps’. Secondly, even if a ‘creep’ hasn’t filtered himself out, how would sending the first message help? Most women start conversations with a generic “Hey” or a similar line, often picked up from the internet, with no context to the person’s profile. Despite this, they’ve successfully marketed the approach, creating a more balanced gender ratio (F:M::1:3). The top three dating apps are Bumble, Tinder, and Hinge, with Tinder being more of a legacy product and Bumble and Hinge catering to current market needs.
Swiping right on a girl’s photo is like buying her a drink at a bar in the tech-enabled world. The benefit here is that the girl can check the guy’s profile to assess his legitimacy, unlike a possibly awkward interaction at the bar. It also saves guys from public embarrassment if turned down. However, the gender ratio on these apps is heavily skewed, with a ratio as high as 18:1.
In the quest for ‘true love’, I recently (over half a decade back) downloaded some dating apps. Just kidding, I was just looking for new content, some basic Freudian needs, and a dopamine rush. These apps get highly addictive, like any other video game, these apps lead to a rush of dopamine. One moment, you don’t know someone exists, and the next, you’re watching Netflix and chilling.
I figured out that there are three reasons why a girl is on a dating app. This is specific just to India and might be different for other countries. First, the platonic networker gets bored and seeks conversations or career opportunities, but it’s all platonic. The societal victim joins the app under family and friends pressure after arranged dates fail. The casual encounter stems from a recent breakup or crisis, using intimacy to cope. These reasons aren’t mutually exclusive; a girl may seek her ‘prince charming’ while friend-zoning the frogs.
Another term that I learned recently because of the dating app ‘research’ is ghosting. It’s easy to cut off communication with someone met on an app if things don’t work out. Nearly 1 out of 3 people using dating apps have said that they have ‘ghosted’ someone. Dating apps have in a way also led to an increase in casual encounters with different people.
That being said, one of three marriages today starts online. I know people who are in healthy relationships, live-ins, and have even gotten married through dating apps. If one looks from the Indian perspective, such apps aren’t much different from the matrimonial sites. The only difference is that there, parents do the swiping.
Like many new technologies, dating apps provoke quite a bit of hand-wringing about contemporary life. Are we too dependent on constant validation? Have we lost the ability to connect with other living, breathing humans? Or are we too busy in our work lives to actually filter through in the offline space?
It also depends on why you are in the app world. If it’s for ‘true love,’ I am a bit skeptical about the inorganic nature of this approach. For marriage, I don’t see much of a difference from a matrimonial website. For entertainment, more engaging options exist, and hurting someone’s emotions won’t bring good karma. If it’s for ‘pizza delivery,’ offline interactions would yield better results.
So, it’s your call, whether you want to swipe or not to swipe.
Later, Sidhant
